Plays at the end of the world
Exactly two years ago I wrote a short play about a terrifying dinner party in those heady days when we were at the very edge of the world ending. God can you remember those days? We knew so little and everything was so scary.
“Will there be plays during the dark times? Yes, about the dark times".”
Happy end of the pandemic I guess?
The last dinner party
(A knock in the darkness. Lights up on a door. Sam runs into the light, up to the door.)
Sam
Fucking bastards, you are fucking cancelled-
(Sam answers the door, it’s Mark. Sam is instantly not mad anymore)
Mark
Heyyyyyyyy
Sam
Oh hi! How are you?
Mark
Greaaaat
Sam
That’s amazing
(Sam and Mark pause. For a bit longer than normal as they look at each other. They finally decide to hug. Mark comes in. The world expands to show a kitchen and living room Jesse is in the kitchen chopping parsley. He’s having a hard time with it.)
Jesse
What’s up babe?
Mark
Hi Jesse.
Sam
So we’re running just a little behind so-
Mark
I finished taking the bar!
Sam
I know! Congratulations babe. How did it-
Mark
How is unemployment?
Sam
It is FUCKING great. Amazing. I just sleep and hang out and it’s great.
Mark
You should do that all the time. Never work again.
Sam
Well, we’ll see. So I’m just working on a polenta, but do you need-
Mark
Can I help with-
Sam
No, just be beautiful. (Knock on the door)
Actually, wanna cut this bread?
(Sam answers the door and it is Ben. Ben stands and stares at Sam. They do not hug.)
Sam
Hi Ben!
Ben
Hi
Sam
What’s up?
Ben
I'm STRESSED!
Sam
Oh no
Ben
(entering) Should I go to ptown?
Sam
Like when?
Ben
Tomorrow.
Sam
No. Do you like Polenta? I’ve been working on this sort of lasagna thing-
Ben
Hi Mark. Should I go to ptown?
Mark
Oh Ptown is nice. Is it that warm right now though?
Ben
I'm going to escape, not to, like-
Mark
Ah.
Ben
Jesse, Ptown?
Jesse
(still at the parsley) Hey babe. I've actually put a lot of thought into this. There’s of course three factors to consider that go into making this decision. One, you’re worried about getting sick. Two, you’re worried about getting others sick. Three, you’re worried that NYC is going to devolve into madness and chaos. If you primary concern is getting sick, I personally wouldn’t want to get sick in a small quant town. I mean, I'm sure it’s got hospitals but mount sinai it is not, you feel me? But ultimately you’re not super likely to become sick yourself, so being concerned that you’ll get other people sick may be a bigger concern. But if you think about that leaving NYC where you don’t know if you’re carrying it, to perhaps bring it to another far flung location is exactly how these diseases spread in all the sci fi movies. The last element is one of panic. And that might be the strongest reason to leave town – cause NYC is weird and scary right now. But I’d urge you not to make decisions out of a place of fear and panic. Nothing good can come of that.
Ben
What are you doing?
Jesse
Oh, it’s parsley. It’s like sticking to my fingers. It’s driving me insane!!
Ben
Ah.
(Knock at the door)
Sam
The parsley is fine Jesse. Could you? If I don’t keep on stirring it’s going to set and-
Jesse
I'm on it.
(Jesse rinses hands and goes to the door. It’s Marcel and Keith.)
Boys!
Keith
Hi.
(Marcel head nussels Jesse)
Jesse
Oh look at that, no hands.
Marcel
No hands!
Jesse
It's okay, I’m not afraid of you.
Keith
Mind if I wash my hands?
Jesse
Oh course - wash off the entire world!
Ben
Do you think I should go to ptown?
Marcel
Definitely - why is that even a question?
(Knock at the door)
Sam
Jesse?
Jesse
yup yup!
(Jesse answers the door and its Robby)
Jesse
Hey there!
Robby
Hi babe. you look good.
Robby
Well you know. A steady meal of stress and regular excersise . It’s insane out there tonight-
Ben
My roommates are going to bars and the gym!
Robby
Well whatever.
Ben
And then then come over and sit around in their gym clothing on the couch.
Jesse
Oh, I think that’s fine – cause sweat doesn’t carry-
Marcel
It’s definitely not fine.
(Keith shakes his head grimly in agreement)
Jesse
Oh.
Robby
Guess the gym gods have spoken then.
(Sam runs into the living room)
Sam
Oh my god, I didn’t even get you drinks I’m sorry the the polento – red wine?
Marcel
I’m not drinking right now
Ben
Me neither.
Robby
Me too.
Sam
Oh. You guys. Well now I feel bad I made you all bring wine. Hi Robby.
Robby
Hi Sam. It smells great.
Sam
I think it’s going to be great. It’s all going to be great you guys.
(Sam goes back to the kitchen)
Mark
I vote yes to fleeing to Ptwon, but to be clear my vote is yes because I think it’s nice to go on vacation.
Ben
I just can’t decide.
Jesse
So you want to make us decide for you.
Ben
No I just-
Jesse
Well that’s actually exactly what it is. You can’t handle the pressure of the decision and so you want to shirk the responsibility. Which is fine. Cause I say go. Go man. Abandon New York City. Run away. Just like all the other rich kids. Just like all of you who have been in the city like, what three years? And you don’t love it. It’s not your home. It’s just where you make money. So leave it to fall apart and suffer. And my friends are all loosing their jobs and won’t be able to pay their rent and they need me. I’m staying. Okay? This is my home and I’m staying here. I believe in New York City and I’m going to take care of her. And we don’t need you.
(Jesse cries. Long pause.)
Keith
At a school they told kids that they couldn’t play tag anymore cause they can’t touch each other so the kids starting playing “Corano” which is a game where you cough at each other.
(Pause)
Robby
God I hate children.
Marcel
Like, all the time.
Sam
(entering grandly with a dish in hands, golden pot holders, a lighting shift, a spotlight, his apron drops away to reveal a sparkling tuxedo. He does a turn, there might be a disco ball, confetti, great fanfair)
The Polenta is served!
FIN